091409
12.56 am – Bedside Table thoughts
Okay. I’m probably crazier than what I was thinking… Of course, you’re the only person on earth that CAN make me feel this way. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking about going to your place and being with you. We both know it wasn’t right.
So, maybe I had been selfish. I was probably thinking of myself all along. I wanted to see you – badly wanted to see you. I wanted to tell you how much I hated you for ruining me. I wanted to see that look in your eyes when I tell you that I finally quit being what I am to you. I wanted to yell “get the hell out of my life!”… I wanted to hurt you so badly – much more than what you’ve done to me.
But, I can’t.
I can’t leave you alone. You probably need me more at this time than at any other times in your life. You might have been thinking of me too or probably wondering if I had given up on you. I can’t. We both know that I don’t mean much to you… that probably you’d get tired of me sooner… that probably everything would soon end. But, no matter how bad it gets, I know, I just can’t leave you.
So, I must be selfish – extremely selfish. I probably want you all to myself that I won’t be willing to share you with anyone. But it wouldn’t happen. We both know it wouldn’t happen. We both can’t do anything otherwise, no matter how much you want me or how much I want you.
But, why?
Why do we do the same things over again without even thinking of the possible consequences? We’re both capable of acting maturely to situations – much less deciding on it. Then why do I fall for the same excuses? Why do we fall into the same mistakes?
It’s me.
I’m stupid.
I might be falling for you.
*sobs
Too late – you’re already hers.
P.S. If tonight were my last night on earth, I’d never regret that I’d spent a few of my precious hours with you. It doesn’t matter. No regrets.
