Your Universe

Tell me something
When the rain falls on your face
How do you quickly replace it with
A golden summer smile?

Tell me something
When I'm feelin' tired and afraid
How do you know just what to say
To make everything alright?

Chorus:
I don't think that you even realize
The joy you make me feel when I'm inside
Your universe
You hold me like I'm the one who's precious
I hate to break it to you but it's just
The other way around
You can thank your stars all you want but
I'll always be the lucky one

Tell me something
When I'm 'bout to lose control
How do you patiently hold my hand
And gently calm me down?

Tell me something
When you sing and when you laugh
Why do I always photograph my heart
Flyin way above the clouds?

Chorus:
I don't think that you even realize
The joy you make me feel when I'm inside
Your universe
You hold me like I'm the one who's precious
I hate to break it to you but it's just
The other way around
You can thank your stars all you want but
I'll always be the lucky one

Chorus:
I don't think that you even realize
The joy you make me feel when I'm inside
Your universe
You hold me like I'm the one who's precious
I hate to break it to you but it's just
The other way around
You can thank your stars all you want but
I'll always be the lucky one

You can thank your stars all you want
But I'll always be the lucky one
I'll always be the lucky one
I'll always be the lucky one

Jaide...

It's been a while... I missed you... Do you ever read this?!

I don't actually care.

I just hope you're happy.

I'll always be here.

Tc.

What else do you want?

Isn't it enough that I endured so much pain because of you?

Kapoi na Jaide. If you want your game to continue, find another player.
I'm putting myself back together...
I'm moving on.

Bedside Table thoughts

091409

12.56 am – Bedside Table thoughts

Okay. I’m probably crazier than what I was thinking… Of course, you’re the only person on earth that CAN make me feel this way. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking about going to your place and being with you. We both know it wasn’t right.

So, maybe I had been selfish. I was probably thinking of myself all along. I wanted to see you – badly wanted to see you. I wanted to tell you how much I hated you for ruining me. I wanted to see that look in your eyes when I tell you that I finally quit being what I am to you. I wanted to yell “get the hell out of my life!”… I wanted to hurt you so badly – much more than what you’ve done to me.

But, I can’t.

I can’t leave you alone. You probably need me more at this time than at any other times in your life. You might have been thinking of me too or probably wondering if I had given up on you. I can’t. We both know that I don’t mean much to you… that probably you’d get tired of me sooner… that probably everything would soon end. But, no matter how bad it gets, I know, I just can’t leave you.

So, I must be selfish – extremely selfish. I probably want you all to myself that I won’t be willing to share you with anyone. But it wouldn’t happen. We both know it wouldn’t happen. We both can’t do anything otherwise, no matter how much you want me or how much I want you.

But, why?

Why do we do the same things over again without even thinking of the possible consequences? We’re both capable of acting maturely to situations – much less deciding on it. Then why do I fall for the same excuses? Why do we fall into the same mistakes?

It’s me.

I’m stupid.

I might be falling for you.

*sobs

Too late – you’re already hers.

P.S. If tonight were my last night on earth, I’d never regret that I’d spent a few of my precious hours with you. It doesn’t matter. No regrets.

The New Issue

Getting Married...

The Heck!

You can't probably spell marriage right.

I wish...

You'd stop.

You know
what to do... why
don't you try to change things?
why keep doing
the same
m i s t a k e s
o
v
e
r
and
o
v
e
r

again?

I don't have reasons to question you.
I guess I'd stop.

It doesn't matter - after all...

My first published letter to you

Jaide,

I should be saying this to you personally, but even if we see each other again, it still wouldn’t change things. You see, I don’t see how I could tell you how much you mean to me. You always tell me I shouldn’t depend too much on you if I don’t want to be hurt. But even before I knew about her, I knew I’d be hurting myself if I’d take my chance on you. But I did.

I know it doesn’t make sense. But, sometimes, I still had to consider reality. I just can’t let you go on your own. I thought you still needed me. Or probably, I just wanted to love you that way. I must have been too selfish to you. Maybe, I didn’t take time to understand your situation or I was just too proud. I knew you couldn’t dare to let me go.

This time, however, I had come to realize that I was wrong. I was expecting too much and believing too much. You were right. You couldn’t stand for me and in the long run, I’d still be left alone.

So, I decided to pass this up before I lose myself. I don’t want to go crying over you just like your other girls. And I don’t want to make myself stupid by holding on to this even though I know it won’t work out.

I’ll be better off without you. But I’m still thankful that you were a part of my life. At least, you made me happy in some ways. Thank you for the memories and the lessons learned. I will love you as always.

I hope you’d still be the good, gentle and caring person that I know you are – deep inside. You’ve learned your lessons well while I still have a lot to learn. I hope by doing this – by letting you go, I’d make you happier. You made me happier than I once was.

Thank you for everything.

No regrets.

Take Care.

_tokai_