My first published letter to you

Jaide,

I should be saying this to you personally, but even if we see each other again, it still wouldn’t change things. You see, I don’t see how I could tell you how much you mean to me. You always tell me I shouldn’t depend too much on you if I don’t want to be hurt. But even before I knew about her, I knew I’d be hurting myself if I’d take my chance on you. But I did.

I know it doesn’t make sense. But, sometimes, I still had to consider reality. I just can’t let you go on your own. I thought you still needed me. Or probably, I just wanted to love you that way. I must have been too selfish to you. Maybe, I didn’t take time to understand your situation or I was just too proud. I knew you couldn’t dare to let me go.

This time, however, I had come to realize that I was wrong. I was expecting too much and believing too much. You were right. You couldn’t stand for me and in the long run, I’d still be left alone.

So, I decided to pass this up before I lose myself. I don’t want to go crying over you just like your other girls. And I don’t want to make myself stupid by holding on to this even though I know it won’t work out.

I’ll be better off without you. But I’m still thankful that you were a part of my life. At least, you made me happy in some ways. Thank you for the memories and the lessons learned. I will love you as always.

I hope you’d still be the good, gentle and caring person that I know you are – deep inside. You’ve learned your lessons well while I still have a lot to learn. I hope by doing this – by letting you go, I’d make you happier. You made me happier than I once was.

Thank you for everything.

No regrets.

Take Care.

_tokai_